Asking Sneaky Questions? With 3 Step Process to Help | Get “Heart to Heart” with Julie Johnson

Originally Posted on The Coaching Tools Company as Asking Sneaky Questions? With 3 Step Process to Help | Get "Heart to Heart" with Julie Johnson

In this column “Heart to Heart with Julie”, Julie Johnson MCC shares sample coaching conversations and situations to help us grow. These are real coaching experiences that illustrate common issues we face as coaches, and Julie also shares her learning, ideas and practical tips to help you become a better coach. Please share your thoughts, takeaways and your own experiences in the comments below! These articles were first posted on Julie’s blog, The Coaching Cube, and have been updated for inclusion here.

Sneaky Questions…

In this article we take a look at a common challenge for coaches: asking leading questions. It’s something many coaches struggle with, especially at the beginning of our coaching career.

So is this you?

Is there even a sneakin’ chance that you slip in advice or suggestions by posing a leading question? If so, it could sound something like this:

• “Have you tried talking to her boss?”
• “Could you consider delegating more?”
• “Might it be an idea to brainstorm with the team?”
• “Would it be interesting to look for a new supplier?”
• “How about if you just say ‘no’ to him?”

I think you get the idea.

So, why does it matter?

Well, let’s take the example of “Have you tried _____?”

What often happens next is one of the below:

• “Have you tried A?” Answer: “No, that wouldn’t work because of XYZ.”
• “Have you tried B?” Answer: “Yes we tried it and it didn’t work.”
• “Have you tried C?” Answer: “Aaah, errrr, no—didn’t think of that.” (and then they’re feeling stupid)

Either way, (whether it’s your intention or not) these types of questions give people the impression that you think they should take the action you’re asking about.

And it’s easy to run yourself ragged brainstorming solutions to suggest, while all your coachee has to do is say “yes'” or “no”, over and over again.

So, here’s a 3 Step Method I developed to avoid this

Here is a straightforward and empowering three-step method that helps us coaches quickly find out what our coachees have already tried, what they are trying, and what they haven’t tried yet: PAST-PRESENT-FUTURE.

NOTE: It’s important to use this technique in the order below: 1) Past, 2) Present and 3) Future.

Step 1: PAST

• Ask, “What have you already tried?”
• Followed by “What else?” “What else?” “What else?” until you have a complete list.

Other follow-up questions can include:

• “How did that go?”
• “What worked?”
• “What didn’t work?”
• “Are you still doing this?”

Step 2: PRESENT

• Ask, “What are you currently doing?”
• Followed by “What else?” “What else?” “What else?” until you have a complete list.

Other follow-up questions can include:

• “How well is this working?”
• “What kind of positive difference is it making?”
• “What does it not address?”

Step 3: Consider the FUTURE

• Ask, “What have you not tried yet?”
• Followed by “What else?” “What else?” “What else?” until you have a complete list.

Amazingly, this may get them to share something they haven’t dared to try yet. OR it can get them to think of things that they haven’t thought of yet.

Other questions to try include:

• “What have you not dared to try yet?”
• “What have you not thought of yet?”

Here’s my take

We coaches need to keep stepping back so our coachees can do the work of coming up with ideas. Because it can disempowering and damage precious trust and rapport when we give the impression that we know best about our clients’ lives.

So, instead use the method above to help them reflect and brainstorm past, current, and future solutions.

Let them do the thinking!

Now it’s your turn

• What did you like about the 3 step method described above?
• When and with whom can you see yourself using it?
• Who can you think of who you would be excited to try this method with?

Share your thoughts with Julie in the comments below.

If you liked this “Heart to Heart” column from Julie Johnson, you may also like:

• The Biggest Compliment Your Coachee Can Give You… also by Julie Johnson MCC
• 5 Incredibly Helpful Coaching Questions to Add to Your Toolkit – and Why! by Ruby McGuire
• Inquiring Minds: Questions, Awareness & Insight (with Neuroscience!) by Sarah Evans MCC