Originally Posted on The Coaching Tools Company as Beyond Active Listening: A New Coaching Technique | "Heart to Heart" with Julie Johnson MCC
| In this column “Heart to Heart with Julie”, Julie Johnson MCC shares sample coaching conversations and situations to help us grow. These are real coaching experiences that illustrate common issues we face as coaches, and Julie also shares her learning, ideas and practical tips to help you become a better coach.
Please share your thoughts, takeaways and your own experiences in the comments below! These articles were first posted on Julie’s blog, The Coaching Cube, and have been updated for inclusion here. |
In this article Julie offers us a specific technique to become an even better coach and grow our coaching skills!
Beyond Active Listening: Take Your Coaching to the Next Level!
We all love it when we’re in flow. Imagine having an important conversation with a client and they’re sharing things that matter to them. You’re 100% focused on what they’re saying, how they’re saying it, what they’re not saying, their body language—and their tone.
You’re actively listening and attuned.
And here’s an interesting and powerful technique to grow your clients: your reactions to your client.
Let me tell you a story
A few years ago, I had an initial telephone call with a senior manager who was a potential coachee at a new client company. I vaguely remembered having been told several weeks before that he’d recently been promoted to quite a senior position. Although I confess that that information was not top-of-mind when we began our call…
Here’s what happened
- Our conversation began and he started speaking quite fast.
- He seemed mildly annoyed when I asked whether he was using his speaker phone, explaining that he wasn’t coming through clearly.
- He turned it off and snapped, “Is that better?” (it was).
- We continued, and a bit later, I asked him if he would repeat a list of three points he was making: “A bit slower please” I said, because I hadn’t caught them.
- He took a breath and did.
- I knew I was struggling with the quality of the phoneline, his fast speech, and the fact that he spoke English with an accent unfamiliar to me.
- And I also began to notice that his rapid speech and (apparent) annoyance with my request to repeat himself had led me to wonder whether he was rather junior.
- And then I glanced at my notes from a few weeks earlier and remembered he was actually quite senior. In fact he had even shared that one of his goals was to develop a senior management sort of “gravitas”.
- Now this was interesting!
Well, as it happened, we soon entered into a coaching relationship. And a few sessions later I had the opportunity to share those moments from our initial call with him in their entirety.
- He listened closely.
- I then asked him what he thought the impact on me was of “how” his communication had been.
- After he responded I shared that, in fact, I had been thinking that he must be “rather junior”.
- I could have cut a knife through the silence.
This feedback ended up being an important piece of “evidence” of how he was behaving in the workplace. Because it allowed him to “see” the resulting perceptions of those around him.
And as a result, he was able to replace ineffective old behaviors with effective new ones.
Here’s my take
By listening to our coachees—and at the same time turning some of our attention to how we experience them—we coaches can use ourselves as a tool for our coachees’ benefit.
Now it’s your turn
You know how to actively listen. So to take your coaching to the next level, remember this technique of noticing your reactions to your coachee.
Simply find them interesting.
Then without judgement, ponder what’s happening between the two of you that makes you react the way you are.
And when you somehow ‘know’ this might be useful information that could serve your client, then that’s the time to (carefully, with permission and without judgement!) share to enhance your client’s growth.
So, what do you think? Share your thoughts with Julie in the comments below.
If you liked this “Heart to Heart” column from Julie Johnson, you may also like:
- One Courageous Way to Deal with Overconfident Clients also by Julie Johnson MCC
- What’s Your Superpower as a Group and Team Coach? by Jennifer Britton
- 3 Powerful New Ways to use the Wheel of Life in Career, Executive or Business Coaching!
